West For Love (A Mail Order Romance Novel) (1) (Anna & Thomas) Read online

  Chapter Seven

  When the train came to its final stop, there was one last long whistle, the squeak of brakes, and a quick jerk. Anna’s mouth instantly ran dry as she reached for her suitcase. She had nobody with her, nobody to help her, guide her, or tell her how to find Thomas. Not once did he really describe himself in great detail. It was left that he would find her at the train depot.

  As Anna stepped from the train, among the mass of the crowd of people getting off the train and those waiting to see their friends or family, she began to panic.

  What if Thomas didn’t show?

  How sad to think that.

  But a man lost in grief could justify anything. Not that Anna wouldn’t be hurt but it was more of how to get back home then and explain herself. She made sure not to spend all the money Thomas had sent, wanting to give some back to him to show that her love didn’t need to purchased through the exchange of money or material goods. But she really hoped she didn’t need that leftover money to make her way back home.

  It would be perhaps worse than the divorce from William if she went back home and explained herself. How she wrote to a man and he wrote back. How she accepted his hand in marriage without meeting him. How she left without really saying goodbye. Then it occurred to Anna that her parents probably wouldn’t take her back then.

  The thoughts poured into Anna’s frail mind, and just as she felt ready to cry, a hand touched her shoulder.

  “Beautiful Anna,” a voice said.

  Anna frowned.

  It wasn’t a man’s voice.

  It was a woman’s voice.

  Anna turned and met eyes with a robust dark eyed woman. She had a big smile and a large gap between her front teeth. At first, Anna wasn’t sure why she picked out such random features on the woman, but then she realized that she had been dying not only to place a face to Thomas but a face to Josephine.

  And here she was...

  “Yes, I’m Anna,” Anna whispered.

  “Of course you are,” the woman said. “Nobody else around here comes close to being as beautiful. Or as nervous!”

  Anna smiled. “I’m sorry. I was just scared for a second. I thought for a moment nobody would be here... silly, I know.”

  “Not so much,” the woman said. “I came though.”

  “Not Thomas?”

  The woman didn’t respond to the question. “Do you know who I am?”

  “I’m assuming you’re Josephine,” Anna said.

  “Call me Jo,” Josephine said.

  “But you said someone could only call you that if they made you laugh.”

  “You did make me laugh,” Josephine said, wrapping her arm around Anna’s shoulder.

  Anna felt Jo’s warm body and had almost the same feeling she had when near Mary. It was no wonder Thomas’s infant son took to Josephine.

  “When did I make you laugh?” Anna asked.

  “In your letter. How you said it would be easier to write Jo instead of Josephine. I laughed. Now you can call me Jo.”

  “Fair enough,” Anna said.

  “Plus, you’re the only one to write back to Thomas.”

  “Well, that wasn’t on accident,” Anna said. “The woman who handles this...”

  “I understand,” Jo said. “I expected tons of letters from women looking to take advantage of Thomas. I read your letter before he got it. Hope that doesn’t upset you.”

  “Not at all.”

  “Good.”

  Anna walked alongside Jo as they made their way from the train depot. When she boarded the carriage and they began their travel to Thomas’s home - what would be Anna’s new home! - something continued to bother Anna. She knew she could have swallowed it down and held it in, but did she want that? Did she really want to be the same old person?

  “Jo, may I ask a question?” Anna asked.

  “Sure. And you don’t have to be so proper around me. I work for you now, too. Keep that in mind.”

  Anna nodded and digested that statement.

  “It’s a personal question,” Anna said. “If it oversteps a boundary.”

  “Never.”

  “Why didn’t Thomas come to get me? His letter left me thinking he’d be there, waiting.”

  Jo didn’t reply right away.

  “He didn’t want to see me?” Anna asked.

  “It’s not that...”

  “I would appreciate your honesty in return of mine,” Anna said.

  Jo looked at Anna and nodded. “Yes, ma’am. That I can do.”

  It took a few more minutes for Jo to speak.

  “You see, Anna, when I met Thomas, he was... he was broken. I firmly believed in my heart for more than a minute that Thomas was going to leave without Thomas Jr. I explained it was his only way of staying with his wife. And it’s part of the reason why I’m with that infant now. I wake each morning and sometimes fear I’ll find Thomas’s bed empty with a note. Maybe I’m thinking too much into it, but the pain behind his eyes is something... something fierce. He feared, Anna, that once you looked at him, you’d rush back to the train.”

  “I would never!” Anna cried out. “Even if he wasn’t the most attractive man... or if he had a scar on his face... or...”

  “I understand,” Jo said. “But that’s the truth. He’s torn right now, Anna. He never believed he’d have the chance to love again and now you’re on your way to his home. To become everything he thought he once had. That’s hard.”

  “Same for me too,” Anna whispered.

  The mood had shifted from excitement to somber. Then Jo nudged Anna and smiled.

  “What?” Anna asked.

  “If I may say so, Anna, Thomas is a very handsome man. Trust me, don’t let him slip away. For anything.”

  Jo winked and Anna blushed.

  It helped to lighten the mood for the rest of the hour ride to Thomas’s property.

  Jo announced the beginning of the property well before the house came into view. The house was picturesque, a house that wasn’t a house at all. It was a home. A beautiful porch that looked wide enough for rocking chairs... which came into view a minute or so later. The front yard was large and open. The tree line around the land looked immaculate, like the place belonged in a photograph. Next to the house was all the farmland.

  And there was plenty of it.

  “Does Thomas have help?” Anna asked.

  “His two hands and one heart,” Jo said. “Well, part of a heart I guess...”

  The comment touched Anna. A man that tended to the massive fields next to the chores, the amount of crops able to be grown shouldn’t have surprised Anna at the position and home Thomas found himself in. She almost started to hate herself for even being there. Self doubt took two seconds to step.

  Anna wondered if she would be good enough to live in the house, tend to the house, take care of Thomas Jr., and find a way to connect with Thomas. The horse came to a sudden halt, and tears filled Anna’s eyes.

  “This is why Thomas didn’t want to come either,” Jo said. “And I agreed with him. Which is why I came to get you. Look at me, dear Anna.”

  Anna looked at Jo. She didn’t hold anything back then.

  “You’re afraid, aren’t you?”

  “What if I am? This house is beautiful. Nothing looks broken.”

  “But it is,” Jo said. “And you can fix it.”

  Jo touched Anna’s shoulder and gave her a minute to collect herself.

  “I’m sorry,” Anna said. “It has been a long journey. I left my house without saying goodbye to anyone. I’m just caught up in it all.”

  “That’s fine. Now, let’s go meet your husband to be.”

  The words brought a smile to Anna’s face. Jo hurried from the carriage to tend to Anna. Anna tried to refuse help, but Jo insisted.

  “I don’t mean to blunt,” Anna said, “but aren’t you supposed to be a wet nurse?”

  “That’s what I’m paid for,” Jo said. “The rest of this is out of the goodness o
f my heart. I can’t raise that infant into a child. Into a boy. Into a man. My job will come to an end soon enough and I’m hoping by then Thomas Jr. has the family he was meant to have.”

  Anna stepped towards Jo and wrapped her arms around the woman. She couldn’t believe she did such a sudden move but she had to. Jo deserved it and then some. What a big hearted woman.

  After the hug ended, Anna lifted her suitcase and turned. She let out a gasp and then a cry. She felt Jo’s hand at her back, keeping her from stumbling back.

  There, on the porch, stood the most handsome man Anna had ever seen in her life. He stood in a short sleeved shirt and Anna first noticed how well built he was. A man of earned muscle. Next came his face, the line of his jaw defined and complete with stubble. His lips were thin - and looked soft! - and his eyes were dark. His black hair was short and sort of messy, but it looked good on him. It fit him.

  He looked like a Thomas.

  Anna walked another two steps before Thomas moved from the porch. He put out a large hand and said, “Let me get that for you.”

  His voice fit both his look and the personality of his letters. Anna blinked frantically. What was the first thing she should say to her soon to be husband?

  Thomas stopped walking right before Anna and left his hand out for her to take.

  “I’m Thomas,” he said.

  “An... na...,” Anna managed to say as if she had a speech impediment.

  Thomas raised an eyebrow and then looked at Jo.

  “She’s tired,” Jo said. “All that traveling and all my talking. Let me get the suitcase, you can get your bride.”

  At the word bride Anna felt her cheeks reddened. The same woozy feeling she felt the day Thomas first wrote to her hit her knees again. She had no wall to lean on and when she started to go down, all she could picture was messing her new dress, the one Thomas had sent money for her to buy.

  “Whoa,” Thomas said as his big, strong arms scooped Anna up at the last second.

  One hand touched between Anna’s shoulders, the other at her lower back.

  “Are you okay?”

  Anna nodded.

  “I like your dress,” Thomas said. “Is that new?”

  Anna nodded again.

  Thomas helped Anna stand. He then slid his hands off her and started to walk. Anna walked alongside him and kept looking down at his hand. Just hanging there. Anna wanted to grab. But she didn’t. She respected the situation and knew it was up to Thomas to make those kinds of moves.

  “Your house is beautiful,” Anna said, the real first thing she said to Thomas.

  “Thank you,” Thomas said. “A lot of work went into the house. The land has been fertile from the day I planted the first seed. A real blessing.”

  Anna smiled. It seemed odd to hear Thomas use the word blessing considering all that he had gone through.

  At the porch Thomas paused and allowed Anna to walk up to the house first. Anna looked back and down at Thomas and noticed how long his face suddenly appeared.

  “I have something for you,” Anna said. “In my suitcase. I’d like to give it to you.”

  “Sure,” Thomas said. “We’ll get there. Why don’t you go meet my son. I have to get back to work.”

  Thomas didn’t look ready to work, but Anna knew that when it came to tending land there weren’t options. You either took care of the land or didn’t. Thomas stared at Anna for a few more seconds and Anna waited to see if there was anything else to say.

  There wasn’t.

  Thomas turned and slowly walked towards the large fields.

  Anna took a deep breath and crossed the threshold of her new home by herself. It was exactly how she envisioned to pass through into such a beautiful home, but she carefully reminded herself of why she was there. Of what events that had taken place to bring her there and to allow Thomas the chance to marry again.

  A small cry echoed and Anna smiled.

  found the infant in Jo’s arms as she stood in the kitchen. The second Anna saw him, her heart melted and began to reshape itself. The baby blinked and stared at Anna, almost a perfect copy of Thomas. The shape of the baby’s head, the dark hair, the eyes, the face.

  “This is Thomas Jr.,” Jo said.

  “He’s beautiful,” Anna said. “Oh my...”

  “Yes he is,” Jo said.

  Thomas Jr. let out another wail and Jo started to bounce him.

  “He’s also very hungry right now,” Jo said. “Would you like to assist me for a second?”

  “Of course,” Anna said. “Do you have a room...?”

  “Doesn’t matter to me,” Jo said. She then turned her head and looked out the window to the fields. “But for this time, let’s go to my room. I put your suitcase there for right now. I’ll let Thomas properly show you to your room.”

  Jo had a little smile on her face and Anna wasn’t sure if that smile came with implications. Just thinking about being in a bedroom with Thomas gave Anna an odd feeling in her body. She was obviously instantly attracted to Thomas, his look and physique much greater than William.

  In the bedroom, Jo sat on a small bed, holding Thomas. She looked at the baby then at Anna.

  “Here, hold him for a second,” Jo said.

  Not a question but a request.

  Anna stiffened and hesitated.

  “He doesn’t bite,” Jo teased. “Trust me, I’d know if there were teeth!”

  Anna giggled and her cheeks flushed again. She reached for the infant, holding him by his sides and pulling him towards her. She gently held Thomas Jr., feeling her heart race in a way it hadn’t in a long, long time. It was holding life. It was holding something that meant so much more than just a baby. Anna closed her eyes and smelled the baby. That warm, fresh smell. Anna hadn’t had much experience with babies and it still made her mind scramble to think she was supposed to be a mother to this one.

  Thomas Jr. started to move, making noises as he did so. His arms moved in opposite directions to his legs. Anna hugged the baby and began to rock left to right.

  It did nothing to comfort Thomas Jr.

  An idea came to Anna.

  She’d whistle to the baby. She thought about how Henry had complimented her whistling back in Lowemills. That almost felt like a lifetime ago.

  Anna licked her lips and blew one note before Thomas Jr. jumped and let out a wailing cry.

  She had scared the baby.

  There was no helping Thomas Jr. now.

  “Oh, that’s fine,” Jo said. “He’s just very hungry.”

  Anna tried to bounce the baby but Jo reached for him. Part of Anna already felt like she had failed. Not even ten minutes in the house and poor Thomas Jr. cried his beautiful eyes out.

  Jo saw the concern in Anna’s face. “You can’t do that to yourself every time something little goes wrong. This is going to be a process.”

  Jo slid the left strap of her dress off her shoulder. She moved casually, even as she pulled her breast out in the open. Anna found herself silently gasping and feeling uncomfortable looking at another woman’s breast. Jo then brought the still crying Thomas Jr. to her chest and in a matter of seconds, Thomas Jr. found Jo’s giving nipple and he was latched on, suckling and silent.

  “See?” Jo said. “Nothing to be worried about. He’s just hungry.”

  Anna nodded and touched her stomach. She thought about things she swore she wouldn’t think about. About being pregnant. About having a baby. About feeding the baby. But none of that happened. And now she stood in the bedroom of a wet nurse that lived with Thomas. To feed Thomas’s son.

  Thomas Jr. looked content and relaxed as he fed. His lips had been moving at a fast pace, but now continually slowed until his eyes started to grow heavy and began to close. Finally, Jo took Thomas Jr. away from her breast and put him on her shoulder. She clothed herself and nodded to Anna and then Thomas Jr.

  “Burp him,” Jo said.

  “No, I can’t.”

  “Yes you can. Do it.�
��

  Anna took the baby for a second time. She placed him on her shoulder and began to tap his back. Thomas Jr. was very quiet and still relaxed.

  “Hit him a little harder,” Jo said.

  Anna couldn’t do it. She feared hurting him.

  Jo stood from the bed and came to Anna. She took her hand and began to really pat the baby on the back.

  “You won’t hurt him,” Jo said. “Trust me. He’s tough, like his father.”

  Anna continued to use the same force and then Thomas Jr. finally let out a long belch. Both Anna and Jo laughed out loud and Thomas Jr. began to cry again. Anna held Thomas Jr. and rocked him again, but just as before, the gentle consoling wasn’t going to work from Anna. She reluctantly handed the infant to Jo again. Jo hurried to swaddle Thomas Jr. and in seconds, his eyes were shut.

  “You have a gift,” Anna said. “A gift, given by God.”

  “Are you talking about my chest or my heart?” Jo asked.

  She had such a smile and conviction about her that Anna laughed and touched her own face in amazement. Jo’s eyes were so big and full of life. They matched the unbridled innocence of Thomas Jr.

  “I just don’t understand,” Anna said.

  “Understand what?” Jo asked.

  Anna wasn’t sure if she should say what she had to say. Sure, in the sense of reality, Anna was to marry Thomas. Jo worked for Thomas, thus working for Anna. Jo understood her position in the house and even with Anna. It should have all been clear and organized.

  But it wasn’t.

  “Why aren’t you and Thomas together?” Anna asked. “It would just make such perfect sense...”

  “Oh, now now,” Jo said and started to wave a finger at her. “I have a job here.”

  “But look at you, Jo,” Anna said. “You’re so bright, so happy, so beautiful. Thomas Jr. takes to you so well.”

  “I’m all he’s known,” Jo said. “I’ve had my share of tragedy too, dear Anna. This is my job right now, nothing more. I’ve stared deep into Thomas’s eyes and seen the way he looks back at me. I assure you, you’re meant to marry that man. The way he came off the porch to greet you, take that as something romantic, all things considered.”

  Anna opened her mouth but Jo looked down at Thomas Jr. and continued talking.

  “Now, if you’ll excuse me for a moment, I’m going to put Thomas Jr. down. Then we’ll enjoy a cup of tea, okay?”

  “Okay,” Anna nodded.

  Jo turned but stopped. She looked back and smiled. “Not to put you on the spot, dear Anna, but you are making dinner tonight, correct?”

  “Dinner...?”

  “It is your house now,” Jo said. “It would be certainly a pleasure if I could have my job and nothing more.”

  “Dinner,” Anna whispered, nodding.

  “The way to Thomas’s heart besides your beautiful looks, dear Anna, is through a warm meal. I’m sure you’ll do just fine.”

  Jo left from the room and Anna stood by herself for a few minutes. She slowly crept out of the room and walked the house, skipping the room she would begin to share with Thomas, working her way to the kitchen. There she stood, comparing it to the kitchen at home. Well, her old home. Not that kitchens were very different, but the setup had an unique look and feel. Anna walked to the window and stood there, looking out to the large fields. Far, far away she could see Thomas.

  Working.

  Suffering.

  That alone was commendable and it made Anna want to be the best woman in the world for him. A man that went through what Thomas did but yet gets up for work, that’s a real man. A man who could survive the pain and the loss, a man who could love again.

  Anna just wanted to be that woman standing there when it all came together for Thomas.

  And she swore to herself she would.

  She had something in her bag for Thomas.

  She would share his bed. She would allow him to do anything he needed. If he needed to touch her, slowly and gently at first, ease his way. If he wanted to wait a day, two, even a week before actually getting married. Of course, there would be no playful touching before that time, but even still, as far as Anna was concerned, the moment she allowed Jo to bring her to Thomas’s home and property, that’s when her commitment began.

  With that buried in her mind, Anna let out a long breath and smiled. She looked around the kitchen, gathering ingredients for a good home cooked supper.

  The more she cooked, the more settled she felt. But one thought started to bother her. One that wouldn’t go away.

  When would Thomas commit to her?